When I was little, I spent a lot of time collecting Archie and the Gang comics. I loved reading about the residents of Riverdale’s various shenanigans, and wondering whether Archie was ever going to choose Betty or Veronica.

It was during this time that a part of me fell totally in love with Jughead Jones. You could even could say I was jonesing for Jughead Jones (sorry). We liked all the same things: cheeseburgers, sleeping, our dogs, cheeseburgers. It seemed like a no-brainer that Jughead was the man for me. Who was I to be swayed by the fact that he was merely a two-dimensional drawing?

I was so excited the first time I noticed a Jughead Double Digest sitting among all the other comics, glowing as though lit by angels themselves. Looking back I’m sure this was just the fluorescent lights reflecting off the foil of a nudie rag or something, but, probably to the relief of my mother, my pre-tween self only had eyes for Jughead.

The recent overhaul of Archie and the gang’s overall appearance — particularly Saga and T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents artist Fiona Staples’ version — has brought about a resurgence in my love of the cheeseburger aficionado. He basically looks like someone turned Adam Brody (one of my many post-tween crushes) into a cartoon character. I wouldn’t have been surprised to look in the mirror and see a literal eyes emoji after checking out Staples’ new Archie #3 variant cover.

He has a unique — but simple — sense of style

Sure, the crown is kind of strange and dated, but frankly I’d rather date a guy in a crown than one in drop-crotch pants. Plus, he’ll always be ready to go in what, five minutes? Just gotta throw on whatever S-emblazoned shirt is up next in the rotation and tilt his crown just so and he’s all set.

He’ll eat all the leftovers

I get full super fast, which isn’t ideal at say, restaurants that give one person like three meals worth of food. Leftovers aren’t really my thing, so what’s a girl to do? Let her bottomless pit boyfriend take care of it. If you only know one thing about Jughead, it’s probably that he can eat (and eat and eat) and will happily take on your (and probably the rest of the restaurant’s) leftovers

He can cook

Yes, Juggie will eat mounds of junk food, but he’s also a bonafide gourmand and would probably rise from a dead sleep to whip up something if it meant he would also get to eat some of it. Who doesn’t want someone with ace cooking skills in their kitchen, cooking up extra-fancy burgers and fries at the drop of a hat?

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